


Song for a Winter's Night

by Murreleteer



Category: Band of Brothers
Genre: Alpha Lewis Nixon, Alternate Universe - Alpha/Beta/Omega, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Era, Claiming, Dubious Consent, Episode: s01e06 Bastogne, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Omega Richard Winters, Pining, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-13 17:43:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15369903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Murreleteer/pseuds/Murreleteer
Summary: Dick had never especially had to worry about being an omega in the army, even if he had to work twice as hard to prove himself. Then the German Army cut the lines around Bastogne, and the 101st's supply of suppressants began to run out.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Content note: This is pretty straight up A/B/O, so while consent is nominally negotiated, the ability to withdraw consent once the heat cycle kicks in isn't there, and this is pretty clearly dubcon. There is a lot of discussion of and angst about what amounts to US Army-mandated fucking, as well as about body dysphoria and issues around consent. A lot of background pairings are referenced. Also they're in Bastogne, so cold, shelling, etc is happening in canon-typical levels.

That first morning on the line outside of Bastogne, it was less of a supply briefing and more of a frantic huddle and improvisation session. The three company captains and their first sergeants, Nix and Dick, in the battalion CP, trying to work out what gaps needed to be covered to keep everyone alive for the next twenty four hours. Stayer was back at HQ seeing what he could beg barrow or steal, but Dick knew that it wouldn't be much. The whole 101st was down to what they'd been able to grab in the space of an hour as they'd scrambled into trucks bound for the Ardennes. 

"All right," Dick said at the end, "hang tough. Gen. McAuliffe says to hold the line, no matter what, and I know that 2nd can make do. We're tougher than whatever the krauts can throw at us." That'd probably been what the 4th Army had thought, too, but Dick had to let them leave with some hope.

Lipton hung back at the edge of the CP, shifting his weight and hunching his shoulders against the cold. Dick wished he could give him his coat. He wished he had coats for everyone. From the look on Lip's face, he very much wanted to catch Dick alone. Nix muttered something quietly and followed Dike out, giving Dick the space to talk.

"How are your men?" Dick asked. He'd asked Dike already, and gotten a non answer.

"Cold, complaining, holding steady," Lipton said. He hesitated again, shifting from foot to foot and not meeting Dick's eyes. Dick took a deep breath of frozen air through his nose. He'd always found the scent of the alpha non-coms steadying. It somehow had all of the strength and overbearing clannishness without the underlying competition he got from the alpha officers. He knew the non-coms weren't really there to protect him but to look after their men, but Dick held onto it nonetheless. Lip moved a little closer, maybe sensing the emotional weight Dick was laying on him and instinctively wanting to pull him under his wing. He asked softly, "Sir, how many days of suppressants do you have?"

Dick blinked. The question was vastly inappropriate, but Lip wouldn't be asking it unless he had a damn good reason. "This evening's, and three full days after that," he said. A tendril of dread coiled in his gut. Dike hadn't mentioned a shortage, but Dike was an alpha who'd gone to all-alpha West Point, and it might not have occurred to him. "Is there a problem, Sergeant?" Dick asked.

"None of the guys have more than that," Lip said. He folded his arms even more tightly across his chest, something that would have gotten him chewed out by a chickenshit like Dike. Dick knew what he was going to say next before he did, "The supply didn't make it. Doc Roe has enough for everyone in the company for another day, if we divvy up the pot, but..."

"And Regiment?" Dick asked. "The townspeople?"

Lip shook his head, not explaining, but he didn't need to. Between the Germans and the terrible hurry, they were lucky they had bullets.

Dick glanced sideways at Nix hovering just outside the CP, pointedly not watching. He would be okay at least. He was lucky. Or he would be until the two score omega in the battalion went into heat and set the alphas off. The Germans wouldn't need tanks then. They could take the place throwing rocks. "Okay," he said in a low voice. "Work with the noncoms in Dog and Fox, and get me a list of all of the omegas in the battalion. I want to know how long their suppressants will last, and who will claim them if they go into heat. Follow the chain of command. Every one uses prophylactics. Anyone taking advantage will be up on charges. And then shot. Hopefully we'll get a supply drop, but don't count on it. Got it?"

"Yes, sir," Lip said. He stood a little straighter but still looked as worried as hell. He should, regulations were one thing, but none of them had actually had to follow the ones pertaining to a suppressant shortage. You could say a lot about duty to country and unit integrity in a manual that got a lot harder to swallow when you were on your knees.

"Report back to me as soon as possible." Dick nodded to indicate that Lipton was dismissed, and only when he'd saluted and left did he pay attention to the growing pain in his gut. His father had bleeding ulcers, and Dick felt like he was well on his way to one as of the last five minutes. Four days. That was all he had to hold onto his equilibrium. He should have made sure to double the supply in his aid kit, but they'd been handing them out with chow in Mourmelon, and he'd gotten out of the habit. If he hadn't been so confident, so lax, he wouldn't be staring down a handful of pills and no real hope of resupply.

Dick had been on suppressants since he turned thirteen. He'd never had a proper heat, never had to submit and let himself be claimed. He'd never wanted to have to give up school or his job to have a baby, and of course he'd wanted to join up and do his bit in the war. The idea of going off of them now scared him worse than the Germans did.

"You okay?" Lew asked. He'd drifted back to the two posts and bit of tarp that marked the entrance to the CP.

"Yes," Dick said automatically. He straightened his shoulders and turned to face Nix. He knew that the desire to melt into Nix's arms and just let him look after Dick was an omega weakness that even suppressants couldn't seem to fix, but it was even stronger now. He couldn't imagine what it was going to feel like in five days. Worse still if he went into heat before supplies showed up. That could start any time between a day and a month after the last dose wore off. He didn't even know what it felt like, just the army manual's list of warning signs. The body he'd had since he'd grown into since puberty was going to change, and Dick didn't even completely understand how.

"You sure?" Nix asked. He was edging in closer, an alpha's instincts to protect kicking in. He didn't even realise he was doing it half the time, and Dick let him. It felt good to have someone to lean into now and then, even if it made the men talk.

"Yeah," Dick said. "Yeah, I'm fine, Lew."

Nix would find out soon enough. Dick didn't need his pity now, he needed to figure out what he was going to do.

* * *

No hidden cache of suppressants had turned up by the day's end, and Dick knew that the omega men were all stewing. The list showed about a dozen men in each company and a handful in headquarters, almost all enlisted, plus a junior lieutenant in F Company, and of course Captain Winters. "Do they know what they'll do?" Dick asked Lipton, though _who they'll do_ would have been more on point.

Lip sighed. "Yes, sir," he said, then after a quick check to make sure they had the CP to themselves, he added, "It may not always follow the chain of command."

No, it probably wouldn't. "You don't want to claim half of Easy?" Dick asked, smiling just enough to let Lip knew he understood how things were.

"I don't know if I'd have the energy, sir." It fell into Lipton's duties as first sergeant, especially if the platoon sergeant was a beta like Johnny Martin, but Dick knew that some men would rather go to a buddy than to a superior.

"All right," Dick said. "Good work, Sergeant." The day had seemed like it would never end, and he knew that another one just the same would follow after it. They still hadn't fixed on a line, or worked out exactly where the enemy was, other than in the woods somewhere, and shooting at them. The artillery company didn't have more than a handful of shells for each piece, and half the men only had a few dozen bullets apiece. They were cold, tired, and not dug in well enough. Easy's officer corps was splintering, and the other two companies didn't have the men to spare to fill the gaps. It was the noncoms holding Dick's old company together, and it would be the noncoms looking after the omegas if it came to it.

"What about you, sir?" Lipton asked. He'd taken half a step close, filling Dick's space, and if Dick could have melted into him, he would have.

"I'll follow the chain of command," Dick said. Strayer was a beta, so that meant Sink would have to claim him. Dick didn't think either he or Sink were looking forward to that. In fact, Dick was reasonably sure that if Sink could change the rules back to what they were before the last war, and not have omegas in combat roles at all, he would, purely for this reason. Dick could picture it: going into the little office Sink had carved out of the mayor's house in Bastogne, bending over Sink's desk and letting himself be fucked and marked. It would be dispassionate and professional, and maybe that was for the best. The regulations were supposed to strip the passion out of it, to make sex another military duty to be endured. Dick wished he didn't regret the prospect of his first time being because of a regulation and with someone who would rather be doing anything else. "Maybe we'll get supplies by then."

Lip shifted again. Dick knew that the enlisted man in him wanted to escape any mention of his officer's sex life, but that the alpha wanted to look after an unclaimed omega he'd known for years. Protectiveness finally won over decorum. "Sir," he said, "Toye and Luz and a couple of the other Toccoa boys, they said that they'd give you their pills, if you wanted. It'd be enough to last until..." Until they were relieved or the Germans ground them into paste.

Dick wanted to say yes to that offer. He didn't ever want to deal with being without, with having to humiliate himself in front of a superior who'd given him nothing but chances, despite what he was. He didn't want to feel his body changing, and his passage opening, and the haze filling into his head until he could think of nothing but kneeling and being taken. "I can't ask that of them," he said. It wasn't fair to let himself be safe while someone like Joe Toye had feel his body betray him until he begged for his best friend to claim him just so he could think straight again. What kind of example would that set?

"They're offering, sir," Lip said, but Dick could see the gleam of approval in his eyes.

"I know, and tell them... tell them I appreciate it." Dick hoped that would convey how touched he was by their loyalty, and by the sacrifice they'd offered to make. He knew that Lipton and the platoon leaders would look after them, but he bitterly wished that they didn't have to. "Tell them, 'thank you.'"

"Yes, sir," Lip said, voice thick with emotion, "I'll tell them."

* * *

Late that night, when Nix slid into their foxhole after walking the line, Dick shifted over to make room for him and share the pool of warmth he'd built up. Nix was shivering, and his hand shook hard as he tried to light a cigarette. Dick took the lighter away from him and blew on the wheel to warm it, then held the flame up to the cigarette Nix held between his lips.

"Wake you up?" Nix asked once he'd taken a drag.

"Not really," Dick said. He'd been too cold and too worried to sleep, and had only dozed lightly. He had three more days.

Nix scooted in closer so that their shoulders touched though double layers of blankets. His body head was already warming the foxhole, and Dick knew he'd be able to sleep now. It felt like a nest the two of them had built together, safe and warm and protected. Nix himself made him feel protected, though Dick knew that taking on an alpha's role was the last thing he wanted. 

"So I heard about the shortage," Nix said after he'd smoked about half the cigarette.

They were short on almost everything, but Dick knew what he meant. What he didn't know was how to answer Nix's implied question of _are you going to be okay?_ Mostly because Dick himself had no idea. "Col. Sink is thrilled," Dick finally said, trying to sound like he didn't really care.

Nix snorted. "Bet he's glad he's short staffed. Say, maybe that's why I made Regiment."

"Almost certainly," Dick agreed. He closed his eyes and tipped his head back against the wall. It was good that Nix knew without Dick having to tell him. "You don't have any..." he paused, searching for a polite way to ask, not sure why he wanted to know, "subordinates?"

"Not like that," Nix said a little too fast. He gave Dick a little sideways glance, then ground the tip of the cigarette into the wall, sending the foxhole into darkness. He'd been thinking of an alpha's duty too then, and what it entailed. Unlike Dick, Nix knew what it was like to claim or be claimed. _It's like giving away a piece of yourself,_ he'd said once, back on OCS, when he'd been very drunk, _and you never get it back._

The rested for a few minutes, and Dick would have thought Nix had gone to sleep, except he knew what his breathing sounded like when he slept.

Finally, Nix just asked, "Are you going to be okay?"

Dick shook his head, knowing that Nix would feel it. He couldn't answer that question yet. He didn't want to think about it. "I just have to pray that I won't have to find out what it's like," he said finally. Pray for resupply before the suppressants ran out, and failing that pray that his own heat didn't come before they got more. Dick could have as much as thirty days before that happened, but he felt like he'd already used up all of his luck.

"It scares you that much, huh?" Nix asked, sounding surprised.

Biting back his reflexive negation, Dick made himself think about it. Yeah, it did scare him. It scared the hell out of him. He didn't want to be reduced to a lust-fogged animal, but he didn't want to humiliate himself in front of Col. Sink either, especially not when the man had an open dislike of omegas in the army, but had given Dick personally one opportunity after another. Now Dick was repaying him by messing up and being a chore at a time when his CO least needed detractions. He wished Strayer was an alpha. At least Dick didn't especially care what Strayer thought of him, and that would make the brutally impersonal nature of the chain of command easier to stand. He was afraid of his body changing, of not feeling like himself any more. He was afraid that the men would think less of him once they smelled him in heat. He was afraid that Nix would think less of him when he turned out to be another needy omega capable of making Nix's body turn against him and tricking him into feeling something he didn't want.

If he thought to the future, which he tried not to but couldn't help doing, it scared him that whatever happened here would be used to justify whatever the army wanted to do to omegas from this point forward. They could all be shipped behind the lines, or even states side. They could all be discharged. If Dick messed up what happened next, or any of the omegas did, they could be the last representatives of the U.S. Army's experiments with inclusion. Future generations would learn that the 101st Airborne had failed to hold the line because the omegas were too busy rutting.

He couldn't afford to be afraid like that. He rarely indulged in follow feeling with the enlisted omegas, but he knew that right now there were some forty men who were just as anxious and afraid as he was. They were all looking up to him as an example of how to behave. If they saw him falter, they too would falter, and that could make the whole line fall like a string of dominoes. Dick needed more than anything right now to put on a brave face. He needed to keep shaving every morning, and talk to the men like nothing was wrong, like this was normal, like he didn't care what the army made him do.

Nix felt his anxiety and put his arm around Dick's shoulder to pull him close. It was more than they should allow themselves, but Dick couldn't find it in himself to resist. He just wanted to sleep and forget about tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after. His men were dying every day, while he sat safe behind the lines, worrying about a little sex. He wasn't thinking straight.

Dick buried his face against Nix's shoulder, breathing the smell damp wool, perspiration and army soap. He didn't remember what Nix smelled like when he was clean and safe and warm, but he knew that he would instantly recognise it.

He fell asleep in Nix's arms, and woke in Nix's arms as the sun rose, feeling ready to handle whatever the day brought.

* * *

Dick stared at the pill in the palm of his hand. It was about half an inch long, a chalky colour, and one of the last of its kind in the 101st Airborne. Dick realised that half the men in the chow line were watching him, with varying levels of subterfuge, and tossed the pill back with a swallow of lukewarm coffee. Everyone looked away.

He circulated through the men, making sure to spend more time with 2nd platoon who'd lost that replacement the day before. Dick hadn't even learned the boy's name. Lt. Dike was supposed to write the letter for him, but Dick would have to make sure that he did, and that he did a proper job of it.

Toye and Luz were sitting shoulder to shoulder, huddling like cats, like omegas did for comfort, though Dick never had. Their eyes met, and Dick nodded to them. They would have just taken their last suppressants too, and the thought made Dick's heart ache. All he'd ever wanted was to protect his boys, and he was failing them so badly right now. He turned away and hoped that the mask Sobel had trained to perfection was holding up, and that none of the men could read anything but calm confidence on his face. Would they be able to smell his fear by this time tomorrow? Some said that you could with natural omegas, though the army manuals didn't mention it.

Dick turned away, walking away from the chow line towards his CP. Nix was there, talking quietly with Harry, who made himself scarce the second Dick walked in. Dick knew a set up when he saw one, but didn't have the energy to try and evade whatever was coming. Nix always seemed to find him in the end anyway.

"Listen," Nix said, without bothering with any kind of ramp up. This wasn't going to be good. "You're not to hot on Sink claiming you, huh?"

"Well..." Dick tried to work out where this was going. "Sink over no one," he said. "It's the chain of command. I'll be all right. Just glad we're not still under Sobel." He'd always felt the weight of Sobel's eyes on him, and wondered if he'd wanted Dick like that or not. That at least hadn't been one of Sobel's failings, and he'd never made an actual move on any of the omegas, so far as Dick had seen.

"Christ," Nix said, momentarily distracted, "now there's a thought." He frowned, then pulled himself back on track. "Anyway, what I'm trying to say that is if it happens, and I'm not saying it will, there's no sense getting someone to drive you into town just for that."

"I don't see much of an alternative," Dick said. It was only a thirty-minute drive, if the roads were good, and if he could find a beta driver who wouldn't be set off in one way or another.

Nix stepped in just a little closer, so it was just the warmth of the two of them near each other filling up the space under the CP's canopy. Dick could feel it like a heartbeat, building between them. It had always been like that, more than just the pull between alpha and omega. "There's me," Nix said.

Dick shook his head, stepping back so he could think straight. It was just the scent of Nix that was making him goofy about things. He was a close friend, but the special connection was all in Dick's head. He was letting an alpha turn his head like a school girl, and then thinking it was true love, letting himself imagine that Nix thought Dick was somehow special. He should know better, especially now. "You don't want that, Nix," Dick said.

"Not like this, no," Nix admitted. He didn't move any closer, understanding that Dick couldn't be pushed. "But wouldn't it be better if it was a friend?"

It would. Dick couldn't deny that it would, and Sink would certainly appreciate being spared. It was just that he'd never in the world wanted to drag Nix into this sordid mess. "You hate this kind of thing," Dick protested.

Nix shrugged. "Yeah, I do. But I would do it for you."

 

"Nix," Dick started, then looked away. He couldn't imagine what this was costing Nix to offer him, and the idea of it made his heart glow, but at the same time, he already knew his answer. Dick looked back towards the chowline, at Lip now quietly talking to Toye and Luz, and Guarnere watching all three with a torn expression until Martin bumped into him, and then berated him, at Randleman touching Garcia's shoulder gently just for a second. They were his whole world, these men, and if being the best man he could be for them, the best example possible, involved an few awkward sexual encounters with his CO, who was Dick to turn away from that? "I appreciate the offer, Lew," he said, hoping his voice carried how much he meant it, even if he couldn't quite meet Nix's eyes. "I can't ask the men to follow the chain of command if their own CO decides he's allowed to be picky."

He glanced up in time to see Nix make a face, open his mouth, close it, grimace, and finally say, "Well, it's a standing offer."

Dick just nodded, unable to reply.

* * *

That night, Joe Toye went into heat, and his best friend and platoon sergeant claimed him. Dick only heard about it the morning after, when Lipton was reporting in. The agreement to bypass Dike in regard to how the omegas were doing stayed in place. Dick had yet to get the least impression that E Company's captain noticed of cared, and attempts to make him pay more attention hadn't come to much more than vague assurances.

"Are they all right?" Dick asked, and Lip shrugged in reply.

"Seem to be, sir," he said. "Joe's out in the OP, and Bill's stomping around behind the line ready to chew out anyone who so much as looks at him, but that's not new."

In a perverse way, Dick was glad Toye had fallen first. He was tough and would show the others that this was just another indignity piled upon them by army life, and not something outrageous and unsurvivable.

The snow lifted by mid-morning, and Dick crawled out to the OP, and turfed out Hashey so that he could talk to Toye.

"I never been so popular," Toye grumbled before Dick could say anything, then added, "sir," belatedly.

Dick offered him a half smile and settled in on the far side of the foxhole. "All quiet out here?" he asked.

"So far, sir," Toye answered. He jerked his chin at the no man's land of fallen trees between Easy's OP and where they thought the German line lay. It looked calm and smooth under its white blanket. "Too much snow to see shit until just now."

That wouldn't last, but Toye knew that, so Dick just said, "Good to hear." He looked Toye up and down, slowly, but he didn't seem any different from his usual pugnacious self. Dick could smell Bill Guarnere's scent on him, the dark musky smell of an alpha's claim, but it struck an off chord deep inside Dick, but that was all. He didn't seem withdrawn or damaged in any way that Dick could tell.

"I ain't broke, sir," Toye said, and Dick looked away, back out at the snow. "Everybody keeps coming by, sniffing around, but there ain't nothing wrong with me."

"Well," Dick said, choosing his words carefully, "it's new to most of us. Everyone's on edge."

"I'll say," Toye muttered, also staring out at the line. "So, yeah, I'm doing okay. Bill's doing okay. We're all just peachy, freezing our asses off and waiting for the krauts to start shooting at us again. This ain't the first time I done this, you know?"

Dick didn't know, but that just made him more glad that Toye had been first. He didn't know how he was going to stand up to the judgement of the officers and the scrutiny of the men. He wanted to ask Toye what it had been like, knowing he could count on him for a frank answer—the army manuals were too technical, and anything in a novel too poetical—but it was too personal a question for a captain to ask a sergeant. He nodded, and said something meaningless, then started to push himself up towards the rim of the foxhole.

"What are you going to do, sir?" Toye asked, and both the suddenness and the question shocked Dick in place. It wasn't something a sergeant should ask his captain, but when had anyone ever been able to shut up Joe Toye?

Dick said the only thing he could think of: "I'm going to pray."

Toye laughed softly. "And if God don't listen?"

Giving Toye another sideways look and a small smile, Dick said, "God always listens, Sergeant Toye." It was only that most of the time it seemed like He didn't answer.

"So Col. Sink?" Toye asked, not put off. "Ain't that going to be a barrel of laughs, sir."

Again Dick wondered what had gone on between Toye and Guarnere the night before. Had they laughed? Had they somehow enjoyed the thing that Dick had been dreading for days? But then, this hadn't been Toye's first time, and he and Guarnere were buddies. They would do it again this afternoon, and three or four more times until Toye's cycle progressed, and it wasn't difficult to imagine those two in easy company. Dick closed his eyes, just for a second, and let himself wish. Then he looked out at the deadly field of snow, and said softly, "I'll follow the chain of command, Joe." What else could he do?

Toye hesitated, which was so unlike him that Dick gave him a sharp look; he was scowling out at the snow. Dick waited, and finally Toye said, "Permission to speak, sir?"

Dick was pretty sure he didn't want to hear whatever it was, but he said, "Go ahead," anyway.

"You've always stood by us, sir," Toye said, meaning the omega troopers, Dick assumed. "Christ knows you're no soft touch, but you treat us like the rest, and that's all we want."

"Of course," Dick said. He would like to think that he would have done the same if he'd been an alpha, but had no way of knowing.

"It ain't been _of course_ with other Lieuies," Toye said. He didn't mention Sobel, but he didn't have to. He'd taken his cue from Sink when it came to omegas in the airborne: always watching, always pushing. First Sgt. Evans had been the same with the men. Toye changed tracks. "But what I'm saying is the fellows, they know you're good for it. They don't expect you to..." he faltered, then regrouped. "Don't do nothing on our account. We won't give a rat's ass if you skip that chain of command bullshit and do what you need to do."

Dick couldn't think of anything to say to that either. Truthfully, Toye's honesty had knocked the wind out of him. He nodded shortly, and said, "Carry on," before scrambling out of the foxhole and back away from the line.

Back at his CP, Dick listened as the patrols checked in, and tried not to think about what Toye had said. He decided that what he hated most was that people kept trying to give him choices. The point of the regulations was to take that away, to make heat and claiming and omegas and alphas into routine, something inconsequential that could be detailed in a field manual like every other aspect of their lives. It felt easier to resign himself to that. But if Dick had a choice, he had to start questioning his motives. If he did that, he had to wonder if he chose Nix because it would be simpler and more efficient, good for everyone, or because Dick was being selfish, and using an impending heat as an excuse to take something that wasn't his, something he'd wanted for a long time.

Nix had offered, and Toye had said the men wouldn't object to Dick taking liberties with protocol, but even thinking about making that choice made Dick's stomach roil with guilt. When he prayed that night, it was for relief to come soon, and for no more of his men to die. He didn't pray for himself.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, Dick was walking the line with Lipton when he noticed how good Lip smelled. It wasn't just the usual comforting alpha scent that Dick tried not to admit now much he always liked, but something deeper, more compelling. He drew in a long inhale of frozen air through his nose. He could smell the coming snow, and the sap from a broken branch, but mostly Lip's musky, bitter smell overtook Dick and pulled him in. He shifted so that they walked more closely together, and Lip did the same until their shoulders brushed.

The contact sent a shiver through Dick, like a trail of ice water down his spine. A flush of warmth followed the cold, making Dick suddenly aware of his skin and how grimy it was. He needed to wash, make himself clean again. He could smell his own body warming, and the sweet tang of desire that was almost a taste rather than a scent. It felt good. Dick wanted more. He pushed his face into the narrow gap between Lip's helmet and collar and drew in another breath, long and slow. That was good. Lip smelled good.

Lipton wrapped an arm around Dick's shoulders, moving instinctively. He was strong, and Dick knew he would protect anyone in his care, no matter what. God, Dick was so afraid, he'd been afraid for years, and he couldn't handle it any more. He needed to...

"Shit!" Lip said, and pulled away violently. "Sir!"

Dick shook his head, his helmet rattling against his temples. The distance cleared his thoughts a little, but not enough. He needed to get back into that warm hold. He needed to smell and taste and let himself go. "Damn," Dick muttered. He had no idea it would come on this fast. He took a breath to clear his head, and his senses filled with a protective alpha who was starting to respond to him. His body wanted that, needed to be claimed. His mind held on long enough to take another three steps away. Then he turned and started jogging towards the CP, Lip in his wake. "Sergeant Lipton," he said, hoping that army instincts could carrying though just a little long, "Find me..."

Find him what? Dick needed to be claimed, right now. He couldn't afford to just wait out a heat in isolation for two or three days like he would in peacetime. His men needed their commander back as soon as possible. He needed to find someone to claim him. Sink. He was supposed to go to Sink. Lip should go for a jeep and a beta like Zielinski to drive him into town. Sink would make this okay. He'd always looked after Dick, in his own gruff way.

Dick licked his lips. "Find Strayer," he said. "He needs to come back and..." and do his damn job. "And tell the captains that I'll be..." Damn, he couldn't put a sentence together, but Lip was nodding, backing away. They were about a hundred yards from the CP. Dick could wait there until the jeep came. He hadn't called for the jeep, but Lip would know.

Nix was sleeping in their foxhole. He'd been running all night, and had only bedded down as Dick was getting up. He would be curled up and warm under the tarp and both their blankets right now. He was twenty feet away, and Dick imagined he could smell him. He couldn't. He drew in another breath and smelled only the gunpowder, grime and stale coffee in his CP. There were traces of the bodies that had come and gone, but no living scent but his own. Dick smelled wrong, even to himself.

Dick sat on an empty ammo crate and pulled his knees up to his chest. He still felt flushed from the brief contact with Lipton, and he knew that meant that his body was shedding heat in a way he couldn't afford. He needed to find someone warm, to let himself be warmed. If he could just take in that scent again, it would be okay. Someone would look after him. Dick shivered again, and then shifted. He intensely aware of how good his cock felt, but it wasn't hard, and behind the warm familiar lust was something strange that he hadn't felt before. A pool of pleasure built behind his cock, up between his legs, low in his belly. He squeezed his legs together and shifted his weight, but the sensation only built. It felt good. It would feel better if someone would touch him.

All he would have to do is walk over to their foxhole, and Nix would touch him. He'd said he would. He would do it as a favour for a buddy, not because he loved Dick, but that wouldn't matter. It would be better. Dick wouldn't have to drive into Bastogne, and he wouldn't bother Sink. He could just stay here and let Nix take care of him. He'd wanted to let Nix do that for such a long time. Dick rocked back and forth, hugging his knees.

This wasn't right. It was all an excuse to get what he wanted, to take advantage of his best friend. It didn't matter that Nix had offered, and had done this before. He didn't know how badly Dick needed him, had always needed him. He didn't know that, for Dick, this wouldn't be an expediency, but far too close to the real thing.

It didn't matter. Nix was right there. Dick heard the crunch of boots in snow, and made himself sit up straight. They couldn't see him folding in on himself. He had to stay upright and strong, even now. Especially now.

"How you doing, sir?" Lip asked. His voice was warm and kind. He would look after Dick if Dick asked, no matter how wildly inappropriate that would be. That at least Dick would never take advantage of, at least not until he was much further gone. It must be difficult for Lip to be even this near. He'd stopped ten paces back, outside the perimeter of the CP, but Dick could still feel the pull between them. It was a taste somehow, and scent that hovered in the back of his mouth. Another flush of warmth overtook him.

"Hanging in," he said. It was the best he could say. "Thank you."

"Jeep will be here in ten, sir," Lip said. Ten minutes for the jeep, half an hour to Bastogne, an hour with Sink he assumed, half an hour back. It was too long.

Dick felt like he was burning up. His skin had flushed hot and he was starting to perspire, the sheen of sweat on his face freezing on contact with the air. His body shook, and he didn't know if it was from shivering or lust or something else he couldn't name. He could feel a wetness between his legs now, and it seemed to fill his whole awareness. His body was screaming for some kind of touch, even his own hand down his pants, exploring himself. Dick sat straight and balled his hands into fists, resting them on his knees. He stared at the post on the opposite side of the CP, and told himself he could hold out for another forty minutes. He could do that, and then he could endure whatever Sink needed to do. Hell, he'd be begging for it by then. If the desire inside him kept building, he'd be begging for the whole regiment to take him, one after another. This was intolerable. He wasn't strong enough to take it.

"Lip," he said, and then realised that his voice was too soft to carry and cleared his throat. "Sgt. Lipton," he said more loudly.

Lip was still there, still hovering. Every protective instinct he had surely warring with his desire to do his duty.

Dick licked his lips, and then asked the question he knew would damn him. "Can you... can you ask Capt. Nixon if his offer is still open?"

Lip's breath caught, and Dick was glad he was staring at the knot in the post, not the expression on Lip's face. They both knew this wasn't right, but instead of telling Dick he had to hold out, Lip said, "Of course, sir." His boots crunched in the snow, and Dick heard the tarp rustle, and low voices, but couldn't catch the words.

He wanted to be able to take his question back, but it was too late now. He wouldn't be be able to anyway. It was too much. If Strayer were an alpha, and actually ever in the CP, he could have looked after Dick before it was too late, but the wait was too much.

Dick shivered again, blood pounding in his ears, filling his body with a wave after wave of desire. The heat would kill him, he realised, in this cold. He couldn't afford it. He needed to find somewhere warm, someone to warm him. He realised he was rubbing his own arms convulsively and clutched at his elbows to still himself.

A warm hand fell on his shoulder, then cupped the edge of his jaw just above his scarf, and Dick's world exploded in the scent of Nix. He leaned in and kissed the heel of Nix's hand, eyes squeezed shut. He hardly noticed when Nix pulled him to his feet and led him towards the foxhole. It didn't matter what happened next, only that Nix was there, and Dick didn't have to worry any more. He tried to rub his body against Nix, but it didn't work when they were walking. That was okay, a moment later they were snug in their own place with the tarp pulled back over them.

"Hey," Nix said. They knelt facing each other, and Nix cupped Dick's face between his hands, thumbs rubbing along the hollows of Dick's cheeks. Dick moaned. "You're going to be okay," Nix told him.

He'd laid both of their bedrolls on top of each other, making a slight mattress on the the frozen ground. The whole place smelled intensely of Nix. With Nix responding to him, every breath Dick drew in, the sharp musk overwhelmed every other sensation. Dick wanted to bury his face in Nix's neck like he had with Lip, but he didn't seem able to move. He was still shivering, and waves of heat spread out from his core.

"Damn the cold," Nix muttered. He set Dick's helmet aside and then unbuttoned Dick's overcoat and pushed it off. He slid Dick's suspenders off his shoulders, but didn't start on the buttons of Dick's uniform. Instead, he pulled the edge of his shirt free, and slid his hands up Dick's sides, finding his skin under layers of olive drab wool. Dick started at how cold Nix's hands were against his burning skin, but leaned forward into the touch. He wanted Nix to touch every part of him. He needed to have Nix's scent covering every inch of skin.

"Please," he said, not even sure what he was begging for. "Lew."

Nix shushed him and fussed with Dick's belt and then his fly. His hands were shaking too, and Dick could almost feel Nix's heart pounding, the vibration of it filling up the tiny space. "Here," he said, "turn around."

Dick turned and rested his folded arms against the side of the foxhole. He spread his legs as much as he could with his pants down around his thighs. The cold bit into his bared skin, but not for long. He heard the clink of Nix's belt, and then felt those cool hands on his ass. It felt wonderful, like a splash of water on a baking summer day. Dick whined and rolled his hips. He knew that he was ready, had been ready since before Nix had found him. There was a space inside him that needed to be filled, and he would burn up if it wasn't. Nix's hand slipped between Dick's legs, finding the entrance that had opened up for him. Dick was slick under his touch, and open, and ground down on Nix's hand. It should have felt wrong to be touched like this, like he never had been before, but all he wanted was more and now.

"Jesus Christ," Nix whispered. He took a long, shaky breath and pulled away a little, Dick would have wept, except he heard the rip of cardboard, and Nix gasping. Nix shuffled up until he was kneeling between Dick's legs, and thrust into him.

Dick stopped breathing. He could feel his heart pounding in his throat, and the edge of pain between his legs as Nix's cock filled him. He hadn't hesitated or gone slow at all, and it did hurt, but it was also everything Dick needed. He spread his legs a little and arched his back to thrust his ass up and make the angle better. He needed to take all of Nix. "Yeah," he muttered. "Do that again."

"Sure thing," Nix said, the words light, but his voice choked, and Dick loved that he was doing this to Nix. He was making Nix break up over him. Shame ran a deep red undertone under everything, but Dick buried it. He couldn't feel that now.

He grunted and pushed back against Nix. He wanted to be naked, even in the cold, and to let Nix touch him all over. It seemed like Nix knew what Dick was thinking, because he ran his hands up under Dick's shirt again, smoothing up his back and spine, then down his ribs again. He pulled out and rocked back in with a delicious slow thrust. Dick met it, and groaned as Nix's hipbones met his ass.

"More," Dick said. He could feel the edge of what he wanted, like the taste of sweetness in the air when bread came out of the oven, but it wasn't the same as a real taste. There was something missing. His cock was still soft, but that wasn't it. He couldn't put words to what it was, exactly, just that Nix had it and he needed it. He was like one of those old silent actresses: dramatic pose, inter-titled something like _Take me now!_ "For Pete's sake," he muttered, since Nix seem to have stalled out after one thrust.

Nix replied by reaching around in front of Dick and pinching both his nipples, hard enough to make Dick see stars. Another wave of need overtook him, and he ground down on Nix's cock, clenching hard. "Jesus Christ," Nix whispered again. He got going then, a slow pace, but each thrust was deep. His hands kept wandering over Dick's chest, tracing patterns through his hair, scratching his nails across Dick's skin. The desire to feel more, to touch everywhere carried them both away

Dick whined with need, still not getting what he had to have. He could feel it building inside him, in a way that felt akin to but different from stoking himself off. It was higher between his legs, and spread through his whole body with every heartbeat. His face flushed with the heat of it, and his hands dug into fists. He pushed back against each of Nix's thrusts, letting out a little woof of breath as he did. Everything felt fantastic, almost perfect, and the foxhole smelled of alpha in heat. Dick let the scent surround him and fill him, knowing it would cover his body when he left here. Everyone would know he was Nix's now, but he still needed more. "That all you got?" he demanded.

In reply, Nix took hold of his hips and thrust in sharply, then held still again. Dick was about to say something else when he felt himself stretching. Nix's knot formed, and filled him past the point of pain and into ecstasy. Nix's thrusts shallowed into a roll of his hips, pulling Dick's body back and forth as he stretched and filled him past what Dick could have imagined enduring before. Now all Dick wanted was for this to last forever. He flexed his legs and rocked from side to side, trying to feel more. His attention narrowed to the incredible pressure inside him, and how good it felt to be taken.

Nix was breathing hard, his exhalations ruffling Dick's hair, and Dick wished they'd kissed. He wanted to feel Nix's mouth on his, his tongue against Dick's lips. Again, as if he knew, Nix pulled one hand away from Dick's hips and gave Dick his fingers to suck. They tasted salty and were chapped and dry, but Dick ran his tongue over each of them, sucking hard with each of Nix's rocking thrusts. Being filled from both ends like that pushed Dick over, and he felt his body tense, and his breath stop as a shiver ran through him. It wasn't like feeling cold, but more like something rushed through him, electricity maybe, but full of pleasure and not pain. Dick didn't know if he could tell the difference between the two any more.

Dick slumped forward against his folded arms, his body limp under Nix. Nix who still filled him and was still rocking against him. Dick sucked lazily at his fingers and let himself be taken. It felt good. He would let Nix to what he liked to him for as long as he liked, hopefully forever.

But it didn't last. Nix came with a muttered profanity a moment later. He fell forward against Dick and pulled them both over sideways. His knot was still locking them together, and Dick's passage stretched and flexed around it. They ended up spooned together, Nix's arms around his waist, his fingers splayed on Dick's stomach, still damp with Dick's spit.

"Jesus," Nix said softly, after they'd rested for a minute. "You okay?"

Dick didn't know how to answer that. His thoughts were clearing now, certainly, and he no longer felt like he would die without an alpha's touch. He had no desire to smell Lipton's neck. It would build again later, he knew, but for now he was himself again, at least his thoughts were his own. His emotions were another matter. He swallowed, and then cleared his throat so that he could speak evenly. "I'm fine," he said. "Sorry to drag you into it, Nix. I wasn't thinking."

Behind him, Nix froze, the hand that had been toying with the short hairs bellow Dick's bellybutton going still. Dick felt as much as heard Nix taking a sharp breath and pulling himself together. Then he said in the lightest possible tone. "Hey, I offered, huh?"

"You did," Dick said, voice as even as he could make it. He felt like crying. He couldn't, not with Nix holding him like this, not when he knew he'd have to get up and face his men clear headed and eyes dry. "I appreciate it, Nix," he said. That didn't feel like enough, so he added. "It was my first time, and you were all right about that. Thank you."

"Yeah, any..." Nix started to say. He was testing the set of his knot, seeing if he could pull free yet. No such luck. "Wait, first time in heat, right?"

Dick sighed. He hadn't meant to say quite this much, but he couldn't lie to Nix either, not when they were lying together like this. "Well, yes," he said. "And first time with anyone, doing more than petting, anyway."

"For Christ's sake, Dick," Nix muttered. That seemed to upset him, and Dick was sorry for saying it. Nix jerked his hips back, and his cock popped free.

The space left behind felt empty, but Dick ignored the sensation and rolled away until he was kneeling up and could get his pants done up. He started layering back into his clothes and then finger combed his hair and put his helmet back on. "Well, I... uh, I appreciate it. Thanks, Nix." He'd already said that, but he couldn't think of anything else, so he pushed himself out of the foxhole and up into the freezing morning air.

That hadn't even taken forty minutes, but Strayer was in the CP, staying on top of things as best he could. Dick made sure to meet his eyes when he saluted. He pushed back the feeling of the stretch in his ass, and the taste of Nix's fingers in his mouth, and asked if there was any status update.

"Might get a break in the weather," Strayer said with forced optimism, which was all the thread Dick needed to get a hold of, and they started talking about supply and rationing.

Behind him, the tarp didn't stir, and Nix stayed out of sight until Dick and Strayer left to talk to the company commanders.

* * *

It wasn't unfair that Nix then took an intense interest in the well being of 1st Battallion. They were seeing a hell of a lot of action down towards Noville, and the 506th's S3 needed to keep up to speed on it.

He had someone radio to warn Dick to expect to catch the edge of withdrawal later that afternoon, and Dick got the men as ready as he could. Dick was still thinking clearly and hopefully would be until that evening. He didn't know what he would do if he needed to be claimed again before Nix got back. Go to Sink, he supposed, but Sink would be busy with the battle, and Dick needed to be too. This wasn't the time to be fussing about omegas in heat. No wonder Sink hadn't wanted them in his regiment.

Dick made himself stand as straight and true as he could, met each man's gaze, and issued orders as crisply as he always had. Being a mewling, sobbing mess a few hours before didn't change what he was now: an officer in the goddamn airborne, and he needed to remember to be proud of that. Dick stood for all the men like him, and he needed to prove that he could handle himself in all circumstances.

By the time 1st Battalion fought back to 2nd's lines, they'd been badly mauled, and most of Dick's attention went to giving them all the support he could. After they saw the first panzer, Dick didn't have time to think about Nix or the way he'd felt, or even the guilt clawing at his gut. His turned into a frantic struggle to plug gaps, and distribute their dwindling supply of ammo such that men weren't fighting tanks with bayonets. The casualties almost stopped his heart, but Dick didn't have time to mourn either.

He also didn't have time to eat, either, but sometime late that evening he found a tin of tepid soup in his hands, and looked up to see Nix standing in front of him. Dick had been so groggy with exhaustion that he hadn't even smelled him, let alone seen him. Now he took a long breath and let himself relax into Nix's protective scent. He didn't mean to lean on Nix so hard, but Dick couldn't help it now. He was heartbroken and dead tired, and Nix was there giving him food. Dick slumped onto the ammo crate in the CP and drank the soup. Nix stood in the doorway and watched until it was finished.

"There's no more you can do tonight," Nix said. That wasn't true. There were a hundred things that needed Dick's attention, but maybe the truth in that was that Dick didn't have any attention left to spend. When he didn't answer, Nix said, "Get some shut eye. I'll need to help you soon anyway."

They were calling it _helping_ then. Dick laughed, which made Nix scowl at him. Dick wasn't being fair. This wasn't Nix's fault. Quite the opposite. Nix was doing everything he could to help, and it was Dick who'd decided to be a son of a bitch about it. He set the tin aside and let Nix pull him to his feet.

Nix's hands were warm even through both their gloves, and already Dick wanted to lean into him and let himself be held. It hadn't always been like this between them. Now, even though he didn't feel the intensity of their heat, Dick felt something more than the usual day to day longing. He wanted. He wanted more than he thought was possible. Dick couldn't decide if this was what being a natural omega was like all the time, or if he just had it that bad.

He followed Nix into the foxhole, and curled up on his side so that Nix could wrap himself behind him again, like he had after he'd claimed Dick that morning. He wished they were both here because they wanted to be, not because of some sickening combination of army regulations and Dick's body turning against him. He wished Nix wasn't just offering this as a buddy to help Dick out, and keep him from having to go to Sink.

"You okay?" Nix asked, his breath tickling the hair behind Dick's ear.

Dick didn't want to talk about it. He just wanted to let himself be held, and then sleep, but he said, "Yeah."

His tone didn't seem to convince Nix sighed softly, his chest rising and falling against Dick's back. It was so warm, wrapped in their cocoon of blankets, under the shelter of the tarp. Artillery thudded in the distance, however, and it was impossible to just be. "I, uh, didn't know you were a virgin," Nix said finally.

"No reason to tell you," Dick said. He shouldn't have told him. "That bother you?" Did Nix think less of him for keeping it in his pants until he was nearly twenty seven years old?

"No," Nix said after a pause long enough to make the answer a lie. "Well, not that you were. I just would have taken things a bit slower, you know?"

Dick didn't know. He'd been grateful to get it over with while at the same time wanting to stretch every second into an eternity. "It was fine," he said, then realised that was damning with faint praise, and amended, "I liked it," then realised that he wasn't supposed to like his friend _helping_ him. "You didn't do anything wrong, Nix," he concluded.

Nix sighed again. "Feels like I did."

Dick didn't have an answer to that, so he just said, "I'm sorry." He wished again that he hadn't dragged Nix into this sordid mess. It wasn't fair.

For a long while, Nix didn't answer, and they both lay curled together and listened to the rumble of distant explosions. Dick thought again of Eindhoven, and watching it burn, and how he and Nix had dug in together that night, too. It had felt different then, even sleeping in each other's arms to ward of cold and fear and grief. Would everything feel different between them from now on? Dick hoped not, but it seemed like in giving into that temptation, he'd twisted things between them, maybe even broken them.

"Look," Nix said. He spoke in a whisper, but Dick had so very nearly drifted off that he started anyway. "Look, can we... can we try this a different way?"

Did he mean a different position? Dick wondered, but that wouldn't be it, surely. "Okay?" he said cautiously.

"Instead of this army regulation bullshit," Nix said, and he hadn't had a drink, but Dick could hear the same push as he would when Nix was spurred on with liquid courage, "can we just pretend..." he hesitated and his forehead brushed the back of Dick's head. "I don't think I can claim you and not mean it."

"Mean what?" Dick asked, he could feel his throat tightening, and he wanted to make very sure they were talking about the same thing.

"I don't know," Nix said. He sounded tired. They were both so damn tired, and this was the last time they should be talking about something this serious. It was the first chance they'd had to talk all day. "I can't do it," he said after another pause. "I think of you just... just taking it because you have to, to clear your head, like a cold shower, and I feel..." he trailed off.

"Used?" Dick asked. It would be fair if Nix did feel like that. Dick was using him, even if Nix had offered. _It feels like giving away a piece of yourself_ , he'd said. Maybe he'd thought he was willing to do that before, but now, faced with the reality of it, it was too much for him.

"No," Nix said, an edge in his voice now. His arms tightened around Dick's waist, and Dick didn't think Nix even knew he was doing it. "No, I feel like a goddamn callous son of a bitch, not even making sure you have a proper first time."

"Oh," Dick said. It was all he could think to say. "Well, do you want to stop?" he asked. If he was going to switch to Sink, he'd have to go into town soon.

"No," Nix said again. "I just... can we just pretend it's real? I, uh, think that would be easier."

"All right," Dick said, before he could think better of it. "If that would be better for you." It wasn't going off suppressants, and it wasn't that he had it bad, Dick understood then. It was just that Dick was an idiot.

"All right," Nix said, sounding relieved. He shimmied up so that he was snugged right up behind Dick, and their bodies felt like one person breathing together. Nix sighed again, but this time in relief.

Dick closed his eyes against the light-less space. The shame of what he hadn't said—that for him it was not now and never would be a pretence, not when it came to Nix—clawed at him, but he shoved it aside. They were all doing what they had to to survive, and Dick would deal with the consequences when they came due. He matched his breathing to Nix's and his heartbeat slowed, and then he slept, feeling safe in the circle of Nix's arms.


	3. Chapter 3

Dick was too hot. He pushed sleepily at the blankets at first, turning his face side to side, trying to find air. As he blinked awake—almost blind in the utter darkness of the Bois Jacques—he realised that it was his body, not the foxhole that was hot. Nix was still holding him, still sleeping, and Dick squirmed around until they were chest to chest. He had to keep his knees bent to fit in the cramped space, and the blanket fell away, but he loved the feel of his body lying along Nix's with just their uniforms between them. What would it like to lie naked like this? Dick pushed his face into Nix's neck and inhaled deeply, drawing in his scent. Nix's body was responding to Dick's even in his sleep, and Dick could feel the bulge in Nix's pants. His scent was intoxicating, dark, bitter like real coffee, and Dick smelled him again. He could feel the flush spreading across his skin and shivered at the pleasure of it.

Nix started to blink awake, a sleepy complaint on his lips. Like Dick, it didn't take him more than a few seconds to realise what was going on, and when he did, he swallowed before asking, "Can I kiss you?"

They were pretending to be lovers, Dick remembered, so he said, "sure."

Nix cupped his hand around the base of Dick's skull and leaned in for a kiss. His lips were chapped and caught at Dick's. All their lips were dry. Dick didn't care. He opened his mouth so that Nix could sweep his tongue along his teeth and clutched at Nix's shoulders. He was breathing hard already, desire sparking between his legs and building to fill him. Dick wanted Nix to consume him, and he kissed back as best he could. He hadn't had a heck of a lot of practice at this, and not for years. Nix tasted like stale, reboiled coffee, and Dick didn't care about that either. He moaned against Nix's mouth, and Nix's fingertips dug into the soft place where the back of his skull met his neck. The grip felt possessive, as it was meant to, and Dick writhed against Nix. He rubbed his leg against Nix's stiff cock, and moaned again, hoping he made what he wanted clear. 

"Come on," Nix said, pulling away. "Sit up for a second."

Dick hated not touching Nix, even for a second, but he propped himself against the side of the foxhole, and was rewarded by Nix undoing his belt and pulling his pants down to his ankles. The flash of cold that hit should have rocked him back, but Nix was running his hands down Dick's legs in a slow caress, and Dick couldn't goddamn think. He Nix's fingertips traced the lines of muscle down Dick's thighs and paused at the backs of his knees before cupping the backs of his thighs. He fussed with the knots on Dick's bootlaces, and finally got them undone enough to pull each boot off, and strip Dick half naked.

He pushed Dick's legs open, bending his knees so that he was spread wide and completely exposed in front of Nix. Dick shivered, and felt his skin flushing with heat at the same time. The couldn't see each other in the dark, but knowing that Nix was kneeling between his spread legs and looking at him, made Dick feel owned. Wished for light, so that Nix could look him over and say her wanted him, perhaps forever. He wanted to be looked at and assessed and found worthy, claimed by word as well as deed.

There was a pause, and Dick almost asked Nix what he was going to do, but then Nix's hands were on his ankles again, running back up his legs. His palms pushed the hairs backwards, tickling a little, stinging when his callouses caught. Nix stroked over the top of Dick's knees this time, and up the front's of his thighs, until he could cup his hip bones in the curve of his hands. Then he leaned forward and put his mouth on Dick's cock.

Dick gasped and suppressed a curse. He wasn't even hard, he wouldn't be this far into heat, but, Jesus, Nix's mouth felt good on him. He took Dick's slack cock into his mouth and swallowed him down, running his tongue along the bottom and humming. Dick rolled his hips up towards Nix, but ran into Nix's hands pushing him back against the side of the foxhole. Nix fellated him, drawing away slowly and sucking, and then lapping him back in again. The heat inside Dick grew, sending a wave of lust through him with every heartbeat. He buried his hands in Nix's hair, and didn't pull him down, but dug his fingernails into Nix's scalp and silently urged him on. He wanted to cry out, and bit his lip so he didn't scream the camp down. He felt like he was building to the edge he'd fallen over before, but he couldn't get there, not when he was so empty. He dug his heels into the blankets under them and arched up into Nix, trying the thrust, and again being held down.

Nix pulled away for a moment, muttering, "Easy there," before rubbing his cheek against the inside of Dick's thigh. His beard scratched, but was too long to really burn. The brush of hairs on soft skin made Dick moan again. He spread his legs wide, and felt Nix's tongue lapping at his balls. Dick pulled Nix in—hair silky under his hands—and guided his mouth to Dick's passage, which was open and wet already. Nix didn't resist, and let Dick hold his face against him as Nix's tongue curled against him, it thrust forward, circling Dick's entrance, then dipped inside.

Dick couldn't help crying out now. The warmth of Nix's breath on his passage, his hair brushing against Dick's cock as he angled in, it felt like too much, but wasn't enough. "I need you," he panted. "Nix, please." Nix thrust his tongue in lazily in and out a few times, proving that he couldn't be told what to do. It should have pissed Dick off, but Nix's arrogance just sent another wave of lust through him instead. "Come _on_."

Nix laughed, his mouth still pressed against Dick's entrance, and that was the hottest damn thing Dick had ever felt. His toes curled against the blankets, and he struggled not to keep begging. He was afraid that if he kept telling Nix what he wanted, he wouldn't be able to stop, and then he'd be lost. "Come _here_ ," Nix said, voice full of fond amusement. He guided Dick forward until he was kneeling astride Nix's legs. Nix fumbled with his belt, then said, "Would you put this on me?"

The cardboard packet almost slipped out of Dick's hands, they were shaking so bad, but he got it open, tore the strip of the rubber, and slid it down over Nix's cock. He traced his fingers down ahead of it, and Nix bucked beneath him. He let out a shattered breath when Dick had it all the way on, and let his head fall forward against Dicks shoulder. Dick didn't have to see him to imagine his eyes squeezed shut, his teeth digging into his lower lip. Nix was panting hard, and Dick put his hand on Nix's back to feel the way it shook and hitched with each breath. He wanted to feel every moment of this, every way he could. He wanted to know exactly what he was doing to Nix, like he was feeling it from the inside of Nix's skin.

Dick knelt up and let Nix guide him until Nix's cock was at his entrance, then he sank down just a bit until the head of Nix's cock was inside him. he liked the feel of that, so he rose off again, thighs flexing, and did it again.

"For Christ's sake," Nix snarled, and took hold of Dick's hips, dragging him down sharply. It had been less than twelve hours, but Dick felt like he'd forgotten everything about how perfect this felt. Nix thrust up as Dick dropped onto him, and they slotted together. Dick threw his head back and groaned, but Nix's hands found the sides of his face in the dark, and pulled his head down until they could kiss. He missed the first time, catching Dick's cheek, and then found his lips on the second try. Dick rose off of him, just a little, and then settled again. He didn't have the strength to ride him like he wanted to, but they rocked together, Nix's hips thrusting as Dick rolled against him. Dick held Nix's shoulders for balance, and kissed back.

Nix's knot was already forming, stretching and filling Dick. He squeezed down against, biting at Nix's lips and clutching at his shoulders. Each time Nix pushed his hips up Dick grunted from the pressure, and tried to rock forward against it. The angle before had been better, Nix had been able to take him deeper, but Dick wouldn't trade his mouth on Nix's for the world. Nix was still holding his face and his thumbs followed Dick's cheekbones back and forth in time with their movements. Dick knew if he stopped kissing Nix, he would start telling him everything, so he didn't stop. Their mouths stayed locked together as Nix rolled them back and forth, steadily filling Dick until they were locked together again.

Then, finally, it was enough, and the heat burst inside Dick, and cooled him. He shivered with the sensation, the roots of his hair tingling, and fell forward against Nix's chest.

He let Nix pull his legs up until he was sitting splayed on Nix's cock, legs in the air, all control gone. That felt right. He wanted Nix to take him and show him what was best. He wanted Nix to kiss him again, but his forehead was resting on Dick's collarbone now, and his breath came in little hissing gasps as he thrust up in small intense bursts. He was so close to the edge too. Dick spread his legs wide, until his ass brushed Nix's balls, and clenched down.

"Jesus," Nix hissed, and came.

Wildly, Dick wished Nix were bare, wished he could feel Nix come inside him, no matter what the risk. Even sated and filled, heat dwindling into a warm glow, that was a stupid thought. They'd both be drummed out if there was any chance of a baby. That was the whole point of them following procedure: to eliminate the passion that led to the idiocy running through Dick's head.

Dick kissed Nix's perspiration slicked shoulder and rocked onto his back, pulling Nix with him so that he lay on top of Dick, with Dick's legs wrapped around him. Being taken from behind was better here too, less awkward. Dick felt himself flushing with embarrassment at the thought of what he must look like, spread out under his best friend, half naked while Nix was fully dressed.

"You feel so good," Nix whispered, and Dick melted under him. Nix was too heavy, but Dick didn't care. Who needed to breathe anyway, when the man he'd mooned after for three years had finally given Dick what he'd always wanted? He could die here, or he could if one of them didn't need to get up in a minute and make sure they weren't about to be overrun by the German Army.

Dick kissed Nix's cheek, and said, "I can you kneel up a bit?"

"Huh? Oh, sure, sorry Dick." Nix got his elbows under him and Dick felt his hair brush his nose just before Nix kissed him again. He did so slowly this time, his lips playing against Dick's, pulling softly, then drawing away, then coming back for a deeper kiss. "Was that better?" he asked. "I liked that better. I like kissing you. You have a good mouth."

"Are you drunk?" Dick asked, though he knew he wasn't. Nix's stash had run out about the same time the suppressants had, and the field hospital had commandeered any liquor that could be found until they got more morphine.

Nix laughed. "Just on you, my darling," he said with an affected French accent. 

So Nix wasn't drunk—didn't have whiskey on his lips like Dick had imagined he would when he'd fantasied about kissing him—but he probably was a little giddy from Dick's heat and power granted by claiming him. The foxhole reeked of alpha scent, and Dick knew that he would to, a warning to all the other alphas not to touch him. He shouldn't find as much satisfaction in that as he did. He was an officer in the army, not a toy to be fought over. He would let Nix do anything in the world to him, he wouldn't even have to ask.

"I did like it," Dick said, going back to the original question. "You've been very kind to me."

Nix laughed, then paused, seemed to realise that Dick was serious, and laughed again, this time with a bitter edge. "Sure," he said. "I mean, usually I'm a total son of a bitch when I claim people, but since you asked nicely..."

Dick didn't know why Nix was so angry, and he didn't know what to say to sooth the harshness out of him. Shouldn't an omega know that kind of thing? Weren't they supposed to be able to pour oil over almost any troubled water? To sooth and coddle and calm all harsher emotions away. Dick had sometimes wished he could do that—to pretend submissiveness while wrapping an alpha around his finger—but when he thought of it, the subterfuge choked him. It wasn't even that different than cooling his face into a blank like fresh ice in front of a CO he thought was an idiot, and then quietly tilting his orders in favour of what in Dick's opinion was the best course of action. Not so different, except that's not how everyone saw it. To use your heat to control an alpha was a low, disgusting thing, like making a girl drink more than she could handle and then taking her to bed.

That's what Dick's beta mother had taught him, and he believed it. Would Nix be doing this for him if Dick hadn't subtly been leaning on him and asking for it for all those years? What Dick had wanted had been in a hundred tiny smiles and lingering glances, the tilt of his head, the way he stood too close. No alpha could resist that, not a prolonged assault of that nature, and Nix certainly hadn't. Even when he'd still been on suppressants, it had been too late.

Dick didn't know how to make any of that any better, except to wait until his cycle moved on, and then to try to pick up the pieces after that.

For all his bitterness, Nix pulled free gently this time, and helped Dick dress in the dark. He warmed Dick's feet against his stomach before stuffing his boots back on, and kissed the insides of his knees as he slid his shorts and pants up. He was following his instincts and doing his best to look after the omega he'd just claimed, and Dick couldn't help feeling touched. Kathy was a beta, and one more missed letter away from divorcing Nix, but if Nix ever took an omega spouse, he'd make a good alpha. He was careful and protective, but didn't try to order his partner around just to show he could. He could be a good father too, if he ever bothered to try.

"Why don't you like this?" Dick asked, as Nix curled up behind him again. Nix would be up again soon, but Dick let himself rest and enjoy the few minutes they had, despite the guilt.

"Mmm?" Nix asked. "Oh," he hesitated. "It's not you; it's just the damn army. I wish..." he laughed again, with no more humour in it. "I wish we weren't encircled in the frozen ass of nowhere wondering what we're going to run out first, bullets or chow. I wish we weren't in a hole in the ground, counting our lucky stars for two bed rolls and a tarp. It's a hell of a place to show a fellow a good time."

Dick snorted. "Can't argue with that," he said. "I meant before. You said you never liked this."

"No," Nix said. His hold tightened on Dick, and this time Dick knew it was entirely on purpose. Nix was pulling him close as some kind of ward against both the December night and the chill of his own memories. "I never did." He didn't say anything more, and Dick didn't push it. He'd taken more than enough from Nix that day. "You're not half bad though," Nix said and kissed the back of Dick's neck.

Dick made a face, knowing that Nix wouldn't be able to see it, and knowing that he wouldn't have to hear it in Dick's voice when he said, "Gee, thanks." He drew Nix's hand up and kissed the backs of his knuckles. "You're okay too."

He pushed his thoughts aside after that, and slept again. Nix stayed with him.

* * *

They went on that way for the next three days: Dick struggling to keep his men alive and hold the line as food and ammo dwindled, Nix at his side every step of the way. A few times a day, when Dick's heat rose, Nix would pull him away and claim him. They kissed then, and the game of pretending it was something they both wanted dragged on, but Nix was wasn't much for pillow talk any more. He clung to Dick almost desperately in the cover of the foxhole, but what he said were the easy insincere endearments of sex. Sink needed his own damn operations officer sometimes too, he said, and called Nix away, but he was always back in time.

On Christmas Eve, after that disastrous fire, they lay curled up together as usual, Nix warming his hands under Dick's shirt, his nose buried in Dick's hair, when something occurred to Dick.

"It's after midnight," he said.

"Is it?" Nix asked. "It is. Hey, Merry Christmas, Dick." He kissed the back of Dick's neck in the same place he usually did, lips lingering this time.

Dick's breath caught, and he knew that what he said next would end the bubble of happiness he'd made for himself these past few days. They were in the middle of the bloodiest slaughter the US army had known since the Civil War, but Dick had found a place for to be happy, if only for a few hours each day. "I mean, it's after 2200."

"Well, midnight usually comes..." Nix started to say before he caught onto what that meant. "Oh. Huh. It is, isn't it?"

"That's it, then," Dick said. He'd been going into heat more or less regularly every twelve hours for the past three days. Now he wasn't. Nix's obligation to him was over, and they were onto the miserable calculation of how overwhelmingly indebted Dick was going to be.

"I guess it is," Nix said. He didn't shift from where he was spooned up behind Dick though. They were both so warm just then—as warm as they'd been by the fire—and Nix clearly didn't want to go back out into the cold. "Do this again next month?" he joked.

"Not if I can help it," Dick muttered. Not that a small part of him didn't ache with longing at even a chance of staying natural and letting Nix take him like this ever month, but Nix would never stand for it. The truth was, Dick wouldn't either. He couldn't stomach the idea of using his best friend like that, and the undercurrent of humiliation of all the men knowing what their commander had done, even if it had been for them. It didn't matter if a half dozen other omegas had gone into heat over the past few days, they weren't expected to be in charge of protecting everyone.

"All right," Nix said. "We'll get relief soon, anyway."

That or they'd have to surrender—Gen. McAuliffe's message to the German commander notwithstanding. The food would only hold out so long. Dick didn't want to think what would happen to him and the omega men if it came to capitulation. Would it be better to go out like the propaganda reels said the Japanese soldiers did, falling on their own grenades to evade capture? He prayed that he never had to make that choice, for himself of his men. "I hope so," was all he said.

They'd get relief soon, and he'd go back on suppressants, and his body would be his own again, probably for the rest of his life, unless he drastically changed his post-war plans. These times with Nix would just be a bittersweet memory, something to keep him warm some lonely night.

He wondered if he could do that. How difficult would it be to keep Nix that close to him, but not be able to reach out for and take his hand or kiss him? Would Nix even want to be his friend the way he had been before? It could be that he would resent Dick for taking this much from him. Dick wished he could ask, but he was too afraid of the answers. He would have to wait and find out.

* * *

Patton broke through to Bastogne a day later, and Dick had never been so happy to see _U.S. Army_ stamped on crates of anything as he was to see it on those medical supplies. The hospital had been running out of whiskey, and Dick couldn't get the screams of his men out of his head. At least, he was grateful until the first time he met Patton, but that was another matter.

The suppressants were issued with chow, as they always had been before, and Dick swallowed his without hesitation and with a good deal of gratitude.

After that, the 506th was ordered forward to retake all the ground they'd lost in the German push the week before, and Dick's mind was too full of battle to think of much else. They took town after town without rest. Replacements poured in, looking like new pennies against the greyed, battle-weary troopers. They poured in, and then they poured their blood out on the Belgian snow. Dick stopped remembering their faces after a while. He could barely recognise the Toccoa men under their scruffy beards and hollow-eyed stares.

Nix did his best to shore Dick up, but the other battalions were stretched even thinner, especially 1st which had never recovered from being that badly mauled, and sometimes it seemed like Nix was everywhere at once, and no where that Dick expected him to be. Sometimes they still shared a foxhole, when Dick wasn't sleeping under a snowbank as his troops crept into one village or another before the sun rose, or in a captured barn avoiding flee-ridden straw.

They hadn't talked about what they'd done, and how Dick still thought he could smell Nix on him sometimes. They didn't kiss any more, and when they shared warmth as they slept, it felt more like economy and less like cuddling. Dick missed that part, but he didn't say anything either. He didn't want to be a needy omega who pulled an alpha into protecting him. More importantly, if Nix was willing to forget the whole thing, and to go back to the way things had been, so much the better. Dick certain wasn't going to be the one to remind him.

Sometimes, Dick thought he caught Nix watching him, not with the amused affection he used to show, but with some real calculation. It was the same intense gaze he used on field problems, and Dick wondered what Nix was looking for. What did he expect a study of Dick would reveal? Dick wished he knew.

Just as they were about to finally be rotated back to Mourmelon, the Germans again broke out, the forces that had fought their way forward to the Rhine right back into France. Again the 101st were packed onto trucks and rolled down mud-clogged roads for days. They arrived in a blasted and nearly abandoned city, and tried to find a way hold a faltering line.

The U.S. Army found them in Haguenau. It had before when Patton had broken through, but Dick had been so busy fighting that he'd hardly noticed the return of army regulation. Now it descended in form of replacements, ammunition, uniforms and stacks of paperwork too high for Dick to see over.

He was given a billet in a commandeered hotel, which didn't have electricity or running water, but did have a four walls, a roof and private rooms with beds. The first night they were there, Dick stopped and stared at his new quarters. He realised that he hadn't slept alone since Mourmelon, not really. He'd either been in a foxhole with Nix, or some kind of improvised billet with half the battalion.

The single bed with it's clean sheets and over-stuffed French pillow suddenly made Dick realise that it was over. He'd survived the worst the German Army had left to throw at him, even if hundreds of his men had not, and now he was back in the real world. The little bubble of struggle and fear and clinging to each other for survival was gone, and Dick couldn't even miss it. Missing it would mean wanting to be back in the Ardennes, freezing and praying to see the next dawn.

An explosion rumbled through the town, that rail gun firing again. It had no target in mind, just the American side of the river, but its shells could scythe through a building and leave bodies and rubble where a billet had stood seconds before.

They weren't safe yet.

Dick dropped his ruck and went to find HQ. Strayer was supposed to be organising 2nd's deployment, but Dick wanted to double check their orders.

That night, Dick got into his billet late, groping his way by candlelight. His bed was cold, even crawling into it fully dressed save his boots, belts and helmet. Dick curled up on his side, like he had to fit in a foxhole, and wrapped his arms around himself. He felt oddly naked, and it took him a stupidly long time to realise that was because Nix wasn't there, curved around his back, hand on Dick's stomach, hips against his ass. They'd kept each other warm for almost a month now, when they could. That was over now too.

It was coming up on four weeks since Dick had gone into heat the first time. In another life, he would need Nix to help him again soon. Dick didn't know if he could wish that he didn't know what that felt like—it had been too good—but he did need to put that memory in a box and seal it away. There were so many things that he'd done that with, promising himself until the end of the war before he looked at them again. This was a better memory than most of those, but somehow it still cut to the bone.

Dick shivered, despite his uniform and the blankets. He wished he could crawl to Nix and beg to be taken into his arms again, beg even to be screwed, but he wouldn't do that to Nix. Dick had asked far too much already, and while Nix might have been willing to lend a hand in an extreme situation, there lay a difference between an alpha claiming an omega in heat, and two male soldiers messing around under regular circumstances. The army had very different opinions on them, for one. Dick himself had never been able to say for sure if his attraction to Nix was based on their genders, their sex, Nix just being Nix, or what. If they'd both been beta men, Dick liked to think he would still love Nix, but he could never know, not for sure. All he knew was that this Dick Winters did love, and didn't seem able to stop.

He didn't know what Nix's opinions were on the topic. He'd never asked, and though sometimes he felt heat Nix's eyes when he looked at Dick, it was impossible for him to know the cause. Even if Nix could or indeed did feel something towards Dick—when he wasn't in heat—what the hell would they do about it? That question had always put a stop to Dick's fantasies of a love requited. Dick wouldn't go off suppressants and end his army career. He didn't know if he'd be able to after the war, either. Dick flat out didn't know if he had it in him to give that much up, even for Nix. If he didn't, it would be a life hidden, or half hidden, and he didn't know if he could do that either. What would his family say? What would he do for a living?

All of which speculation was besides the point, in any case, because Dick didn't know how Nix felt, and was afraid to ask.

A shell thudded close enough to shake the hotel, and Dick lay perfectly still, not even breathing, as he listened to cries for a medic or the sounds of men screaming. Nothing, just more silence, and then another shell, this one further away. He heard the clatter of their 55 opening up in reply.

Dick sighed and rolled over, taking care to stay inside the faint pool of warmth he'd built up for himself. If this were the battalion CP outside Bastogne, Nix would just be coming in from walking the line, and they'd have a few hours together before Dick had to get up. As it was, he curled up into a smaller ball and forced himself to sleep. His men would need him in the morning.


	4. Chapter 4

The next night was the same, and the night after. Dick got better at sleeping alone, but the ache of what wasn't there didn't fade. Dick worried that something had broken inside him those three days on the line outside of Bastogne.

The men were wearing thin, still on the line a full month after that mad drive into Belgium. The Germans were out of reach on the other side of the river, so the 101st was fighting itself. Dick felt as though he were stitching them together with thread made from his own guts. It couldn't go on, the waiting, but waiting was all they did. That and trying to dodge German artillery and dying when they failed. Dick was tired of looking at the faces of dead boys, and tired of writing letters to their parents. Everyone kept saying the war was as good as over, but only the Soviets had boots on German soil.

The fourth night in Haguenau marked four weeks since Dick had first gone into heat. He kept sniffing the air, waiting for that tingle along his skin, not even quite realising that he was doing it until he caught himself. He'd been back on suppressants since the day after Christmas, but something in his body expected his cycle to have kept moving. Maybe it was in his mind, not his body. Maybe it was just wishful thinking.

He hated the idea that even a small part of himself could wish for an excuse to lose control again, or more especially could wish for an excuse to make Nix come to him. It would serve him right if Nix told him to go to hell, and Dick did get stuck with Sink.

Dick blew out the candle and curled into his bed, his back to the wall as always. It was snowing hard that night, and the guns had fallen silent. He heard the thump of boots in the hallway as other troopers passed, and a few sleepy voices discussing something Dick couldn't quite make out. It felt good to be surrounded by his regiment, men he'd known for years and trusted with his life. He missed Nix though.

They'd worked together as battalion XO and regimental S3, and Nix had been at Dick's elbow every time he'd turned around. Nix exchanged the same wry grimaces around Strayer's foibles, and made the same bad jokes to get a real smile out of Dick. He was the same old Nix, but whatever was between them now wasn't the same any more. Knowing what they could be, what Nix had pretended to want, had changed it for both of them in some subtle way that Dick couldn't pin down. Dick didn't miss the Bois Jacques—no one could miss that hell hole—but he did miss Nix. He missed being held.

Dick fumbled beside the bed until he found one of the condoms the army issued—whether a trooper wanted them or not—and tore open the wrapper. He slipped it under his pants and shorts, and then felt for his cock.

A month ago, Nix had sucked him. Dick got hard just thinking of that: the confines of the foxhole, with Dick's legs spread wide, and Nix's face pressed between them. Dick rolled on his back, slipped the condom on, and stroked himself through it. He bit his lip to suppress a whimper at how good it felt, just a slow easy stroke. His fingers tightened while his thumb ran from base to tip.

He thought of Nix's mouth on him, and what it would feel like now. He always thought of Nix. Dick knew it was wrong, and felt guilty as hell about it, but couldn't stop himself. He imagined Nix curling up behind him and stroking Dick's cock, while his lips pressed to the back of Dick's neck, like they had before. He pulled his hand away from his body, feeling the slide of the condom over his skin.

Nix would be gentle like he had been that second time. He was so careful of Dick, like Dick was precious and needed to be looked after. Nix would tell Dick he felt good, and that he liked touching him. He would tell Dick he wanted to make him feel good too. Nix's words would become more broken as he pressed his cock against Dick's ass. Dick would be able to feel the shape of it even through their clothes, how Nix was getting hard just touching Dick.

Dick moaned and stroked faster.

There was a soft tap at the door. Dick started badly, squeezing his cock hard enough to stave off the orgasm that had almost overcome him.

"Yes?" Dick asked, voice too rough, but maybe it would sound like he'd been sleeping.

"Can I come in?" It was Nix. Of course it was Nix.

"All right," Dick said, because being an idiot apparently didn't rely to being in heat. "You need something, Nix?" Dick asked when Nix had come in, locked the door behind him, and lit a smoke without saying anything. Nix lit the candle while he had the lighter open, and Dick blinked against the light.

Nix shrugged in answer. "Just wanted to see how you were," he said.

Dick still had his hand down his pants, wrapped around his half hard cock, and he didn't especially want to talk. "I'm fine."

"It's just, it's been a month, hasn't it?" Nix slid down the wall until he was sitting with his back to it with his knees pulled up in front of him.

"I guess it has," Dick said. "I'm fine." He'd been back on the suppressants since Christmas. Nix knew that. Why was he sniffing around now? Dick drew in a long breath, but got mostly cigarette smoke. He could smell Nix under it, but not like he had before, not like he had when he'd been in heat.

"Okay," Nix said. He sounded like he believed Dick, but he also didn't move.

Dick waited. If nothing else, this conversation was doing wonders towards turning him off. He wouldn't think talking to Nix could do that, and yet. "Do you need something?" he asked. He didn't want to send Nix away. For all the unintentional awkwardness, it was good to have him here, sitting next to Dick's bed. If Dick reached out, he could touch Nix's hair.

"Nope," Nix said, then, after a pause, "I don't know." The lost quality in his voice killed the last vestiges of Dick's arousal, and he pulled his hand out of his pants and rolled on his side to look at Nix. His shoulders were slumped forward and he curled his body around his cigarette like it was the last warm thing in the world. "I can't seem to get it out of my head."

"Yeah," Dick said, he wished he could say he was sorry, because he was, but he didn't think that would make Nix feel any better. "I can't either," he said instead.

"Christ," Nix muttered. "We're a pair." He pulled his cigarette away long enough to scrub at his beard. "I shouldn't have asked you. Think it would have been easier if you'd just..." Nix trailed off, but Dick knew what he meant then too. At least what they'd done hadn't altered the understanding between them.

"No," he answered. "I wouldn't have been able to look him in the eye again." Lord knew what Sink would have thought of Dick. What the field manuals described, and what it actually felt like had been so far apart that Dick couldn't now imagine letting Sink do to him what Nix had. Of course, if it had come to it, his body would have known what to do. "Better you," Dick concluded, and told himself he was saying it to make Nix feel better.

"But we..." Nix hesitated, and wouldn't look up at Dick. The candle cast most of his face in shadow, but that didn't hide the way his mouth turned down and that he was blinking more than he should. "We're okay, right?"

"Of course," Dick said. He wondered why it had taken this long for Nix to ask that, maybe he was feeling the return to army life too, though he certainly wasn't shaving. Maybe it was the day of the month. "Nix, we'll always be okay."

Nix nodded slightly, but didn't answer or look up. Dick studied him, enjoying the quiet moment and the ability to watch Nix's face, to memorise the changes. He'd lost weight, they all had, and his cheekbones stood out a little more. The dark circles under his eyes had faded a bit these last few days, but still lingered, and his beard stood out dark against his pale skin. Nix hadn't been so pale once; the sun in Georgia and in the Carolinas had tanned him, and he'd been golden then, and happy. He he looked wan and drawn now, full lips thin around the cigarette.

"That's why I never liked it," Nix said, like the conversation of a month ago had never paused.

"Oh?" Dick asked, trying to keep his voice neutral, despite how much he wanted to know the answer.

Nix finally turned to meet Dick's gaze. "Always feels like this for me: hard to let go. Not as bad as this, the rest of the time, you're... well I guess you're you: Dick Winters, an original. But still you claim someone, and then they leave, and you just.... There was a lot of that at Yale, at parties, and I went to a lot of parties." He certainly hadn't spent any time studying, so far as Dick had ever heard. "Dad said an alpha should... you know... and I did, but it was giving up too much, every time. Christ, it pissed him off when I married a beta."

Dick tried to piece that broken, half confession together. He thought of Nix and those omegas at parties, the closeness of the room, the smell of their heat, all the alphas crowding around, Nix pulling someone aside, or someone pulling Nix, and release in sex, but not what Nix had really needed. He'd wanted to wake up next to someone, and then do it again the next day, and every day forever. The closest he'd come to that was a wife he'd lived with for a weekend here and there, and fellow troopers in a variety of tents, billets and foxholes across two continents.

"I'll bet it did," Dick said. Nix didn't discuss his family much. Oh, he talked up the whole Nixon of Nixon in Nixon, New Jersey, thing, and had made a few mentions of his mother and sister, but never included any particulars as to what they were like. His father was a beta, Dick thought, and it seemed had put a lot of pressure on his only son to be what he couldn't. Nix had tried, and been left alone in the ruins of it. Dick wanted to promise Nix that Dick at least would never leave him, but he didn't know if that was what Nix wanted, or if he could. "Do you want to sleep here tonight?" he asked. Nix was in another billet, some kind of fancy house that Sink had taken over. It wasn't far to walk, but Dick didn't want him to leave. He never wanted him to leave again.

"Don't know if you have the room," Nix deflected, indicating the tiny square of open floor with his chin.

"Well, you can share the bed," Dick told him. He was being too direct, but he didn't want to spend another night with just his hand for company. Having Nix this close made the ache of sleeping alone too acute, and he'd always been weak when it came to Nix. He didn't have to be in heat to be unable to resist wanting him near. How many excuses had he come up with over the years? 

"I..." Nix hesitated, then shook his head. "I don't think that's a good idea."

Dick rolled onto his back, unable to look into Nix's eyes any more. Nix was right; it was a terrible idea, and Dick shouldn't want it. "Right," he said.

Nix ground his cigarette out on Dick's dresser and pocketed the butt. Dick thought he was getting ready to leave, but he didn't move, so Dick waited. There was another question hanging between them, but Dick couldn't be the one to ask it. He'd asked too much of Nix already. Only Dick had a wild thought that if Nix got up and left now, and Dick didn't say anything, _I don't think that's a good idea_ might be the last real words of their friendship, and Dick hardly knew what they meant. Dick groped for something to say to tell Nix that he didn't want this to be the end of it.

When minutes passed, and Nix didn't speak, Dick finally said, "You know I'm a tough SOB to shake, don't you, Lew?" He was still staring at the ceiling, but heard Nix start, and imagined those beautiful eyes wide with surprise.

"Yeah, well, you don't know the half of it," Nix said. His flask clicked, and he took a long swig before lighting another cigarette.

"Then tell me."

Nix sighed, but the alcohol must have steadied his nerves, because he said, "What the hell. Better you figure it out now." Neither of them was looking at the other. Dick was lying on his back, and Nix had his back to one wall and was staring at another. It helped, Dick thought, for Nix not to have to look him in the eye. "I wasn't really pretending when I said I was. I wasn't glad we ran out of pills." His tone a little defensive, though he was warding off an angle of attack Dick never would have considered approaching. "I wasn't. But maybe I'd wondered what it would be like, with you, like that. Maybe I didn't offer just because you didn't want to go to Sink." He took a breath, and let it out in a loud, smokey exhalation. "Okay, not _maybe_. I wanted to claim you. I wanted it to be me, and not anyone else."

"Huh," Dick said. He realised that the confession should have made him happy. He'd wanted Nix and Nix had wanted him. It was perfect. At the same time, knowing that Nix had been looking at Dick and wanting to see him needy and spread open for him felt strange. Had he seen Dick as an officer and a friend? Surely he must have. He'd also seen Dick as an omega, and wanted him to go into heat. "How long?" Dick asked.

"Since OCS," Nix admitted. "Don't know if I'd call it love at first sight, but it was something."

"Huh," Dick said again. All those years, and Nix had wanted him. "Do you want me to do it again?" Did he only want Dick as his omega? If that was true, what would Dick say?

"No!" Nix snapped. "Of course not." Then he faltered. "I don't know. I told you you didn't know the half of it. You're a hard man to give up."

The whole thing was too murky for Dick to sort through. It felt like staring at the Moder River and not being able to see a way past the flooding waters and bits of ice. Two many emotions and conflicting motivations swirled through him: The desire to be seen as a man and an officer, the desire to lean into an alpha's scent and feel safe, the love he felt for Nix. Dick did love Nix, and he didn't know why, only that he did. Dd it matter, in the end, what the reason was? "What if I didn't?" Dick asked. "Would you, uh, would you give me up?"

Dick didn't know if he meant friendship or sex or claiming or what. He didn't know if they could be separated any more. He missed how simple it had felt to silently want Nix and not think he could ever have him.

Nix shifted, the floorboards creaking, and took a long drag. "I would if you asked me too," he said with the gravity of a man offering to take a bullet.

"And if I didn't?"

"Dick, I would take you any way I could get you."

"Really?" Dick asked, surprised even now at the sincerity in Nix's tone. It wasn't usual for him to be so serious about something, especially not sex.

"Really," Nix answered.

"Even if I never...?"

"Anything you offered," Nix said. He was laying everything out for Dick, offering an unconditional surrender, and hoping the terms were in his favour. He didn't sound like he expected them to be though, and that made Dick's chest tighten.

Dick rolled back onto his side. Nix was still staring at the wall, his shoulders still hunched, and even though he wasn't more than a foot away, he looked utterly alone. His cigarette dangled from his lips, burning down to ash. Dick reached out and put a hand on the back of Nix's neck, just above the collar. Nix needed a haircut as much as he needed a shave, but the feel of his hair under Dick's fingers reminded him of holding Nix's face against his entrance while his tongue plunged inside, doing everything he could to make Dick feel good. Nix looked up at Dick out of the corner of his eye—a shy, sideways look half shaded by his hair.

Dick didn't know what to say in the face of Nix's uncertainty, let alone in the face of a blank cheque like he'd just offered. It was everything he'd ever wanted, and nothing he knew how to accept. "It can't be everything," he said. "Not now." Maybe not ever, his tone implied, and Nix got that too and nodded slightly. "But," Dick steadied himself, wished taking a drink would help, and then admitted the secret that he'd thought he would keep forever: "But, um, I've felt the same way, for a long time. I wish it'd been a choice, but I'm not sorry about what we did. I wasn't pretending either. I would like to try..." he didn't know the words for this part. He didn't want to insult Nix by asking him if he was the kind of queer who loved in a way he shouldn't, like Dick thought he himself must be, but he didn't know how else to offer himself up and still stay on the pills. He wondered what Joe Toye would think of that, and if it would fall under his amnesty in regards to Dick doing what he needed to. "I'd like to kiss you," he finished. Best he could do, but the truth for al that.

Instead of answering, Nix put out his cigarette, rolled forward onto his knees and bent over the bed. He kissed Dick lightly on the lips. His eyes were wide, and he looked a little stunned, but he kept moving. He put a hand on Dick's shoulder and kissed the corner of his mouth, and then his cheek, and finally the line of his jaw. His breath was full of whiskey and nicotine, and smelled more like Nix than anything in the Ardennes had.

Dick let out a low sigh, and closed his eyes for a second. It felt too good to even think about, so he didn't think about it. He promised himself that he wouldn't think at all until this was over. His hand was still on the back of Nix's neck, and he pulled him down until Nix's face was buried in Dick's collar. Nix kissed there too, his parted lips lingering above Dick's pulse point.

"Know what I was doing when you came in?" Dick asked, impossibly bold now that he had momentum on his side.

Nix made an interested sound, but didn't move his mouth away from Dick's neck.

"Pulling off, and thinking of you." He couldn't believe he'd actually said that, but then he couldn't believe that any of this was happening. It felt dreamlike and strange.

Nix lifted his head and looked at Dick like he was trying to tell if he was serious. He licked his lips before asking, "Can I watch?"

Dick felt himself blushing so hard his hair felt hot, but he said, "Sure."

They got the blankets pulled down, and Dick opened his fly. He was still wearing the damn condom. Nix snorted at that, and said, "Jesus, you even jerk off neatly."

"I only have one uniform," Dick protested, but the comment made him less self-conscious somehow. This was Nix, his best friend, who made fun of him for shaving every day but still stuck with him through everything. Dick reached down and took his cock in his hand. He pulled up slightly, and felt it stiffening. It had already been stiffening just from Nix looking at it. Dick looked Nix right in the eye and slowly ran his thumb along his cock, sliding the condom up and down. He felt himself flushing and heard his heart pounding in his ears, but didn't stop. "I thought about you sucking me," he said. "Wanted you to do it when I could get hard."

Nix was staring at his cock, speechless. His lips were parted, and it was easy for Dick to imagine him leaning down like he had before, but Nix didn't move.

Dick stroked up a bit faster, sucking in a breath at how good it felt. Nix watching him made every sensation more intense. He pressed the ball of his thumb to the spot right below the head of his cock and rolled it back and forth. His hips lifted in response, trying to thrust into his hand.

"Jesus Christ," Nix whispered, and Dick would have smiled except he was trying hard not to make any noise. He wanted to writhe and moan, and make a show of how good he felt, touching himself and thinking of Nix, but he couldn't, not here.

Instead, Dick sucked on the fingers of his other hands, muffling his moans, and kept pulling himself off. He saw Nix watching, and knew that he was remembering that first time, and Nix's fingers in Dick's mouth.

Nix groaned, and shifted his weight. He was getting hard just from watching. Neither of them were laying a hand on him. Dick wanted to touch back, but he was caught up in what he was doing, in the connection it was forming between them. He squeezed harder and pushed his hips up to drive his cock into his fist as he slid the condom back down. He rolled his head back and let his mouth fall open in silent gasps. He traced his lips with his fingers, remembering how Nix had liked his mouth, and then brought his spit-slicked hand down to stroke his balls. Dick moaned low in his throat, and Nix made a small pained noise.

Dick risked a look, and Nix had shut his eyes for a moment, his cheeks flushed and bright with a sheen of sweat. The candlelight cast him in gold, and as Dick watched Nix opened his eyes. They were dark, black and brown, and fixed on Dick's mouth. Dick didn't look away as he rolled his balls with one hand and stroked with the other, moving faster now. He kept his eyes fixed on Nix's expression and licked his lips to moisten them, though his throat was dry. Dick could hear his own heartbeat and his blood pounded down and down and down through his body.

The heat in his body felt like it from Nix's eyes alone, and when he came a moment later, he choked back Nix's name.

Nix swallowed the word with a kiss, closing his mouth over Dick's as he gasped and rode out the release pulsing through him. Dick's vision blurred around the edges and his head spun, but the feel of Nix's lips on his anchored him to the bed.

"Love you," Dick said, but the kiss swallowed that too. Nix held his face and stroked his fingers back through Dick's hair. He touched Dick's tongue with his own, kissing wet and messily, and only when they'd stopped kissing, and Dick's heart had stopped pounding too hard for him to think, did Dick realise that Nix had come without either of them having laid a hand on him.

"Jesus," Nix said softly. He pulled away and sat back on his heels. "You do that all the time? Thinking of me?"

Now of all times, Dick felt self conscious. "I guess," he said. He fumbled to slide the condom off and knotted it closed, then did up his fly. "I shouldn't. I didn't know if you'd want me thinking about that, about you."

Nix laughed. "You have my permission, retroactive back to April 1942."

"Come to bed?" Dick asked.

"Sure." Nix double checked the lock then stripped naked. It was too cold for that, but Dick supposed he didn't want to sleep in ruined skivvies. He'd have to borrow Dick's one clean pair in the morning or go without. Dick watched Nix undress. He didn't like how he could see his hip bones now. He'd always liked the little puppy fat that Nix had clung to even through bootcamp and OCS. Even Toccoa hadn't slimmed angles into Nix's body like this last month had. He wasn't gaunt, or as lean as Dick now was, but Dick still wanted to pull him off the line and feed him. He wanted to do that for all his men. Soon, he hoped. They just had to hold out a little longer.

Dick scooted back against the wall and moved the blankets back so that Nix could lie on his back near the middle of the bed, then Dick rolled forward and wrapped himself around Nix's body. Nix's collarbone dug into his ear, and his hip twisted a bit when he threw his leg over Nix's, but he spread his hand over Nix's heart and could feel it beating, and that made everything else perfect. Nix's arms closed around Dick's shoulders, and he rested his cheek on Dick's hair, and they breathed together. Nix's alpha scent filled the room, wrapping around Dick like the blankets. Dick sighed, feeling happiness creep back into his heart for the fist time in a month.

They woke curled together the next morning, and Dick reached around them to jerk Nix off, while Nix moaned in groggy approval and Dick thrust between his thighs. They washed as best they could; Dick shaved, and Nix borrowed some clothes to tide him over to his billet.

"We'll have to be more careful," Nix said as he was buckling his holster.

Dick nodded. Too much slinking in and out of each other's billets was going to get noticed, if it hadn't been already. They could cover some of it with their friendship, but not everything. He kissed Nix anyway. Dick's chest felt tight, like a dam before it burst. He needed time to think through what all this would mean, now and after the war. In the Ardennes, he'd stopped considering what he would do if he survived, stopped thinking past making it through the day ahead, Now it seemed as though he had something to hope for, and some chance that he might make it to the end. "I'll see you later," Dick said.

"You bet," Nix answered, grinning. He was so beautiful when he smiled that Dick wanted to grab his collar and pull him back towards the bed.

He nodded instead, and watched Nix slip out into the hallway. There would be time enough for that and more later. Maybe there would even be time for Dick to figure out what the hell they were going to do next. For now, they still had a war to fight, but at least that too would be done together.


End file.
